have you ever had a friend who felt like an emotional black hole? i try, try, try to be there for my friends and family when they need me, whatever it’s for……but this one person, i have to say, tests me beyond anyone else. i don’t even truly feel that we are friends……more like i am her friend, but she is not a friend to me in return. she only calls when there is a crisis in her life (which is about every other day) or when she wants something. i can’t even tell you how many conversations have started with “i need you to do me a favor”. conversely i can count on one hand the number of times she has asked how i was….even if i was clearly sick or upset. i don’t really consider being talked at rather than talked to be a good conversation. she always asks advice yet ignores it every time and ends up making self-destructive decisions. why ask in the first place?? why ask for help when you’re unwilling to accept it?? it’s very frustrating and very hard to watch. it makes me angry because i feel like she doesn’t care AT ALL about us being friends; only that she has someone to listen to her. it also makes me angry that she sets herself up in situations that any rational person could see were not a good idea, and when it all falls apart she acts surprised and hurt. she’s not a stupid girl; it’s willful ignorance.
it’s partially my own fault for letting her get to me. i know this is how she is, i should stop acting like one day she’s going to change her ways. the conversation we had the other night pushed me towards the decision i’ve made……i’m done. done trying to be friends with her, done trying to talk her out of her terrible ideas, done thinking she’s going to care about anything going outside her immediate area. she called and accused me of betraying her…..called me at 11 at night and offered me a chance to “come clean” about things i never did. couldn’t just let me be the person in her life who was NOT caught up in some kind of soap opera, had to convince herself that i must have lied about something, because no one really is what they seem.
guess what? i am. this is just me. i didn’t lie to you. i have never betrayed your confidence or your friendship. i have never asked anything of you, let alone anything comparable to what you’ve asked of me. i accepted you as my friend despite not feeling your friendship in return. i listened when you needed someone to lean on and did what i could to help you through. your response: YOU betrayed ME. i did what i could for you, i defended you when you weren’t around to defend yourself, i covered your ass at work, i was always honest with you, and you accused me of lying and going behind your back.
well. we’re done. i’m sorry this is how it ended, but i’ve got nothing else to give and nothing else to say.
